Two weeks ago I had a phone call with a friend of the blog and he had challenged me to put out some content before the Open Mic night that I help organize. After he had shared with me some of the stuff he had been working on, I was up to the challenge. Granted this is was in a blissful and optimistic state.

I woke up the next day at around midday and thought about what I would write. Maybe it would be a poem (which I did write later that week but then lost it), maybe I would work on a chapter of that so called ‘book’ that I claim I have (never got to it), or maybe I would write a completely original short story (would the hell do you think you are?). In short: I have not written anything–shocker.

I have effectively lost the challenge that my friend had given me. Seeing as the Open Mic is tomorrow and I have no new content to share I will most likely read some stuff from my blog. And so, I’ve missed a deadline.  A deadline that was about as rigid as a noodle, but a deadline nonetheless.

So I sit in the library. Surrounded by my Constitutional Law book, my Econometrics book, and another thick as a brick Law book and wonder. I wonder about if I really want to pursue what I’m studying or if that is just a means to an end. The end being writing of course. Or if I’m so engrossed in my studies and so itchy to get out in the world and find some security that I will never actually pursue the thing that I day dream about in class–that being writing of course.

This missed ‘deadline’ if you want to call it that is a thorn in my side. It is a badge of dishonor. An opportunity lost, and opportunity to actually put my nose to the grindstone and put something out in time for an Open Mic. Maybe I’ll read this and let everyone know how much a hack I am that I would rather write a piece on missing a deadline than actually write something of substance, or maybe I’ll sit comfortably in my chair and read something that I know people will love. Either way: I still missed my fucking deadline. And I have to deal with that.

Signed,

M