I felt powerful, once…

and then, I didn’t.

 

I’m not sure if it was the act itself that did it

or so much as the loss of control that came after.

 

I felt powerful, once…

and then I forgot to eat and sleep

for almost an entire year,

running my body

and myself

into the ground.

 

I felt powerful, once….

until the times that

I had to pull into a parking lot

and turn off the car because the tears were

falling from my eyes

too thickly for me to see as I drove.

 

I felt powerful, once…

and then I felt small at 1 am,

sobbing, because my body sometimes forgets

that it doesn’t have to

fight, freeze, or flee from the person I love.

 

I felt powerful, once…

and now, I don’t.

 

-xxx