To my family and friends who voted for Donald J. Trump,

Let me begin by saying that I still love you. I do not hate you. I am, however, hurt, scared, and angry. We could debate policy all day, every day, and still not agree. And that is okay. We could talk about proper diplomatic rhetoric, foreign relations, the economy, and the merits of small versus big government, but that is not what I’m trying to discuss. I’ve been struggling to write this for months now, always starting and then deleting the whole thing. But I can’t remain silent any longer.

To introduce myself, since I intend to remain anonymous: I am a twenty-something year old college student. I work full time, attend classes full time, and maintain a high GPA at a diverse university in the midwest. I am a diehard feminist, like my momma. I have many near and dear friends who are hispanic, black, Muslim, transgender, gay, disabled, and any combination of those. I am bipolar.

My friends are afraid for their lives. But you already know that. I’ve shared countless articles detailing why, I’ve repeated anecdotal stories to you, I’ve made my own opinions and fears for them clear. As incredibly important as that is to me, that is also not what I wish to discuss in this letter. It has not been enough to get through to you.

You say that you’re disappointed in me for taking politics too personally. But for me, the events of the past few months have transcended a simple political discourse. It is personal for me.

A year and a half into my college career, I became the victim of a violent sexual assault. I was intimidated into taking no legal action, and humiliated to the point where I did not make my  own family aware of what had happened to me. Imagine my surprise, disgust, and relief at not disclosing my trauma when I learned that half of my family had voted Donald Trump for President.

I am angry. Angry that you saw something presidential in a man who has been on trial for rape, and has been accused of sexual assault by twelve women. Twelve. I know that you’ll jump to saying :“they’re just accusations.” But before you go to say that, do you believe that I’m just “making accusations” when I say I was raped? What makes me more or less believable than those women?

I am hurt that you voted for him. I am a woman who thought I could always seek support from my family when I needed it. The past year, I’ve bitten my tongue countless times when I’ve wanted to reach out for help and love. Knowing that you supported a man who said:“when you’re a star, they [women] let you do it. You can do anything…Grab ‘em by the pussy, you can do anything,” I no longer feel comfortable with the idea of bringing up my sexual assault to you. The man that raped me believed he could get away with grabbing my pussy, and doing worse, all because he had money. Because he had power. He made me feel so small. I’ve been hurting, and now I’m hurting even more.

Lastly, I am terrified of what the next four years will bring. Any time that Donald Trump speaks out against women or trivializes sexual assault, it tears off scabs that I’ve been working so hard to form. Any healing, any progress that I have made, is gone in an instant. The knowledge that you excused this rhetoric is acid poured directly in those wounds.

I would apologize if I’ve made you uncomfortable, except for the fact that I am not sorry. I have been uncomfortable for the past year, and even more so the past few days. I need you to hear my voice.

So while some of you gloat as if the election was a football game that your team won, know that there are some of us out there who are afraid for our lives. In my case, my sanity. Panic attacks aren’t fun (something I’ve learned in the year). Know that while you call your own family and friends crybabies, sore losers, and flip us off for being upset with you for voting for Trump, there’s often good reasoning behind why we’re upset. You do not always know the whole story. If this were a normal election, with normal candidates, I would have no problem “just getting over it.” But as I said before, this election has gone beyond politics. I cannot “just get over” what happened to me, or how Donald Trump’s words and attitude tie into it.

One last time, I will reiterate that I do not hate you. I still love you, but I hope that you’ll understand why I am distancing myself from you. I need time to regroup myself, process my emotions, try to heal new and old wounds, and make a plan for how to survive the next four years with my mind and self still intact. I don’t expect you to understand the trauma caused by rape, or the triggers that can send a woman spiraling into the darkest place in her past. I don’t have any desire for you (or anyone) to understand it, ever.

All I ask is that you respect my request for distance and try to realize that I have been through something that you have most likely never had to deal with, and that it is shaping my experiences and emotions every day. Right now, I need to surround myself with those who will support me and the 20 million other survivors of sexual assault currently living in the United States. I wish I felt as if I could count you amongst those who would support me, but at this time I do not feel that way.

This election has been divisive and dirty on both sides. Unfortunately, I feel you picked the side that will most hurt me and those I care about. I hope to reconnect and reunite with you eventually, but for now, I need to cut the cord. Once again, I hope you can understand.

Love,

xxxxx