I am a survivor of sexual assault. This fact is one that took me a very long time to come to terms with, but once I did, it completely changed my life. I can think of at least fifteen close friends and peers, off the top of my head, who are also survivors, and frankly, the fact that I am able to do so makes me sick.

What kind of depraved society must we live in for one to be able to list numerous people who have had their bodies violated, their dignity taken away from them, their sense of safety shattered, off the top of their head? How great the shortcomings of such a society must be, and how little it must teach its members to respect one another, for sexual assault to be such a pervasive problem. At my college campus, one in four women have experienced sexual assault. One in FOUR! Earlier this school year, I was sitting with some of my close friends and when we began talking about sexual assault on college campuses, the specific statistic for our school was brought up. We sat in silence, and I told them that among us, I contributed to the statistic. One in four. We later found out that another amongst us in that room was a survivor. Two in four.

I don’t think many of the people close to me know this fact about me, and I did not want to talk about it for a while because I knew about the stigmas and scrutiny I would face after coming forward; I knew that several factors leading up to my assault would be used as weapons against me. I knew I would be shamed for what I had been doing, where I had been, the company I had kept, and I knew every part of my character and every aspect of me as a person would be brought into question. Even after all the scrutiny, who knows if anyone would have even believed me? I had seen this happen enough times with my peers and friends that I knew exactly what awaited me if I chose to speak out about it, and I decided that I wanted no part in the long and often-excruciating process I had witnessed others going through.

Many other women and men who are survivors of sexual assault make this same decision, too, unwilling to face the onslaught of victim-blaming, the stigmas, and the shaming that too often accompany one’s decision to report the violation of his or her body. This is the ultimate indignity, and the fact that people who have already lived through such a traumatic experience feel unable to discuss it for fear of society’s indictment, or worse, the indictment of those close to them, should be the cause of great concern for each and every one of us.

Efforts are being made to cultivate a culture that is friendlier towards survivors and shifts blame away from victims, but we still have far to go. I hope that I someday live in a world where we value individuals enough and teach each other and youth to respect the body of each person, respect the right of each and every person to say “no” to sexual advances, and respect that when someone says “stop” their demand should be taken seriously, that we see the end of rape culture. And I fervently hope, every day until we see the end of rape culture, that we can become a society that provides full support to those who have endured the trauma of sexual assault, and one where survivors feel empowered enough to share their stories.

-Ewurama Appiagyei-Dankah